The 2007 Downtown Christmas Parade Pictorial Review!

Today was the official kickoff of the holiday season in St. John’s, loyal reader: the Annual Downtown Christmas Parade! And as I do every year that I live in town, I was there on the sidewalk with family and friends. For those of you who did not get the chance to be there to see this festive tradition, allow me to review it with the help of my trusty camera phone!

This was the scene when we arrived at our chosen position about an hour before the parade actually started. What you see is the Newfoundland Railway Museum and the place where the parade ends. Gradually, people began arriving in throngs and the parade got under way.

The parade opened up with the first of a series of marching band. A Christmas parade staple, military and other marching bands provide a good little musical ambiance to the theme. As you’ll see, other participants in the parade were not all so Christmassy.

This is also a good time to introduce you to the unwitting co-star of this review, Blue-Jacketed Blonde Lady, whose shoulder you can see in the foreground.

Aaah the Rescue Polar Bear! He’s been in every single Downtown Christmas Parade I’ve attended and, along with my own favourite parade star (the magnificent and awe-inspiring Maple Leaf Bologna Guy), is one of the characters I look forward to seeing. I like to think that if I find myself on a capsized boat, Rescue Polar Bear will be the one zipping to my rescue!

The City of St. John’s was kind of a disappointment. I understand that the budget is tight this year, and even slightly in the red, but couldn’t they come up with something a little more original than Wal-Mart- or Canadian Tire-bought inflatable snowmen and brick-print paper?  St. John’s is my favourite city, and I want to spend my life here, but this is a bit embarassing. Nevertheless, just as your mother reminded you whenever you got a pair of socks for Christmas from your grandma, it’s the thought that counts.

 

Another staple of Christmas parades are the young cheerleaders. I was glad this year to see that most of them were dressed in warm clothing. Occasionally you had a troupe that had sheer stockings over their legs and frankly, on top of overly sexualizing young girls, it just must have been freakin’ cold!

Thanks to my camera’s slow response time, what you can’t see in this picture is the face on the frotn of this locomotive. It’s actually our old friend Thomas the Tank Engine!

Behind Thomas was another engine pulling those wagons. What I like about it is the elegant simplicity of the construction. It almost looks like they’re blown-up toy trains.

Another military marching band. I’m guessing the Santa hats are not standard-issue combat gear, but wouldn’t it be fun if they were?

The cheerleading troupe’s half-sister in Christmas parades is the dance troupe. I know they put a lot of work into their routines and everything, but to me, they are mostly filler in-between floats.

One phenomenon I’ve noticed being on the upswing is the inclusion of groups of dogs in the parade. It seems the major beautiful breeds are represented. Why dogs? Well, I’m not quite sure, but it’s okay in my book because there’s something about dogs wearing sweaters that has always tickled my funny bone. Extra giggles if they are wearing Christmas sweaters!

Behind the first wave of dogs (trust me, the rest are coming!) are kids dressed as elves, Christmas trees and gifts. Always a classic and always a welcome sight, like baby’s breath in a bouquet. It’s basically filler, but it wouldn’t be a good Christmas parade without them.

Guys, there’s no point in wearing a proud, manly, militaristic and official-looking black uniform if you’re going to accessorize it with a pink cape!

The Knights of Colombus float was nice. You’ll have to take my word for it.

Awww, little ballerinas! How can you not love them?

I’m glad to see that the toy army has finally become gender-inclusive. You go girls! Wait… where are the toy rifles?

A redandgreenhoundeer!

Newfoundland Power sure loves penguins. Or rather, Newfoundland Power sure loves the fact that Hollywood was so penguin-friendly last year. However, the idea could have used a bit more uniformity. You have realistic penguins à la March of the Penguins mingling with the anthropomorphic birds of Happy Feet. It would kick ass if it had Morgan Freeman belting a tune on the loudspeaker!

This mascot scared the crap out of me! I mentioned my camera’s slow response time. I was actually trying to take a picture of the dancers when out of nowehere this mean-looking blue snake enters the frame! It’s like he’s sizing up Blue-Jacketed Blonde Lady for his next meal. Creepy!

The Shriners are always eager to join the feztivities. Get it? Fez-tivities? Ehehehe…. sorry.

I had no idea Christmas was such a big deal in the Muslim world.

Hooray! I love those krazy, kooky Keystone Kops! If I ever become a millionaire, I’m so zipping all over my mansion in one of those miniature kop kars. They’re awesome!

You have to admit, it’s not every day you see a handicapped clown. I wish that they had put her with other clowns, though. Just one handicapped clown, all alone, isolated from the other clowns… that’s kind of sad.

The Easter Seals had a cute idea, paying tribute to the best winter activity of them all, sliding!

I think this is a femailbox.

I kid, of course. I’m always glad to see that Canada Post employees donate their time and resources to deliver kids’ letters to Santa. It’s one of our most cherished national traditions.

I don’t think I’d mind getting one of those under the tree this year.

I certainly appreciate the sentiment, though actually putting kids inside gifts might be a tad on the nose. And you gotta feel bad for that girl in front with the red scarf, who’s the only one NOT gift-wrapped. "Children are the greatest gifts. Except you, of course!"

This naval marching band would have gotten a pass from me (I only had 60 pictures available on the camera), but then I noticed the cardboard posters of Peanuts characters on the drums. I’m not quite sure why. The only thing I can think of is it’s a reference to the Charlie Brown Christmas, but those posters had just regular pictures of Charlie Brown, Snoopy, Linus, Sally and the gang. No sad little bare Christmas tree, no figure-eight skating beagle. Kind of a disappointing effort.

This puzzled me and my companions. Why did those people have gigantic eyes around their heads? Why were they wearing superhero costumes? Super-Eyes? Pupilmans? There’s gotta be an explanation, help me out, here!

I had to take a picture of that elf. I dig the pointy ears, which is indeed an evlen feature. But the fact that they are HUMONGOUS! pointed ears just takes the cake for me. Fare thee well, Deformed Elf!

Ah, the WOOP Guy! I feel bad for this chap. He was smack dab in the middle of a long lull in the parade. For two or three minutes we had nothing but empty street while the rest of the parade was catching up. Suddenly this one lone guy appears carrying a wireframe "WOOP" and going "One, Two, Three!", at which point he would hoist up his oversized onomatopea. What was funny in a sad and pathertic way is that it seemed to take a couple of tries before we figured out he wanted us to shout "WOOP" on the count of three. Once we understood, we went wih it but it kind of felt forced. Poor guy, he did try his best.

The Christmas Plane from Provincial Airlines was a very neat idea, but what made Andrew, Kim and I’s day is that our old supervisor Collette is up there towards the front. She left QA and joined PA.

Aliant had a cute idea with "The North Pole Goes High Tech". Who know Playstations were made by elves? Sony must really be making a killing with these. And what’s there as a cardboard cutout? Why it’s my own trusty Samsung 920, the very same phone with which I took these photos. Cool!

This float was rather ordinary, but what caught my attention was the smooth and sexy tractor pulling it. It’s like a John Deere and a Volkswagen Beetle had a torrid affair and this tractor was the result.

Mmmmmm chicken!

The Downtown Canine Parade continues with weiner dogs. Remember, if it ain’t a weiner, it ain’t Christmas!

 

This costume would have worked better without the puckered petal gaping mouth. It just seems, I don’t know, dirty.

HOORAY! THERE HE IS! My personal favourite parade headliner, second only to Santa! Yes, it’s the Maple Leaf Bologna Guy! Unfortunately this year, I only managed to get a picture of him as he was walking away but fear not, here are two pictures from the 2001 parade when I first laid eye on this magnificent mascot!

This is the coolest mascot ever! Only in Newfoundland would a Christmas parade include an anthropomorphic stick of bologna. I keep my eyes peeled for the Processed One at each and every parade. Truth be told, this guys is 90% of the reason I even go to the parade. Look at him! How can you not fall in love, fall under the spell of the awesomeness that is the Maple Leaf Bologna Guy??

I can’t help it. Kids dressed up as Christmas trees, that’s adorable! I don’t care how non-macho it makes me sound. I have a tattoo!

More dogs. You know, if the WOOP Guy had just taken a pair of shears to his sign, he could have clipped the P to turn it into an F and his presence at the parade would fit better.

Dogs may walk on leashes, but this ferocious feline rides like a king!

Another float lifted from Hollywood. I dig the Gingy costume though!

I like the idea of Santa riding a flying canoe. Part Coca-Cola, part chasse-galerie. It could work!

I thought that was pretty cool. A scale replica of the coast guard ship we see all the time in the harbour. Well done!

The ever-avuncular Mr. Rooter brings us again this year a neat float: snowboarders suspended in mid-atrick above a U-ramp. Radical!

The Santa Beetle was a cute idea.

The polite and respectful gentleman in me acknowledged the roots of the season. The rest of me leaned towards Andrew and said "Wouldn’t it be hilarious if Santa’s float had a banner that read ‘Christmas is ME, bee-yotch!’"

Speaking of the Right Jolly Old Elf himself, it’s always a treat to see him come from a block away and eagerly anticipating the moment he’ll pass in front of you!

Santa’s bodyguards are Christmas trees! Well, anyone who has seen Attack Of The Triffids can attest to their power to maim.

And there’s the man of the hour! Santa Claus has arrived in town! Waving at the adoring kids, St. Nick brings the parade to a close for another year. He’s got a busy month ahead of him.

What I really love about Santa’s float is that he’s not atop some generic houses. No, not this Santa. His sled is actually on top of typical St. John’s downtown buildings in all their colourful splendor. I always thought that was an especially nice touch. It makes it local and it must be cool for the children who live in buildings just like that. Like me!

And so, loyal reader, there you have it. My longest blog post ever. I hope that it’s been a good read and that you are getting in the spirit of the season. As for me, this took two hours to put together so I shall head off to bed before tackling another wekk. But I do thank you for your attention and your readership. Many thanks to Kathy, Brooklyn, Andrew, Kim, Tom and Sarah for their company at the parade!